Goodbyes suck (once again)

Here it is, the very much awaited CCR.

This is it! This is goodbye for now.

Very bittersweet.

This has been a very cathartic journey and I am so glad I was able to share this little piece of me through here.

And don't worry, I probably won't be gone forever. If I ever make a new blog (I probably will) I'll link it here.

Stay Afloat <3

I present to you: Afloat

Click to see:

Short film

Website

And here is the postcard:

This feels unreal after everything that has happened.

There are a lot of things I still want to elaborate on from the entire project, so a CCR will be uploaded soon :)

For now, enjoy what I like to call "an exploration of loss".

Me being existential and reflective one last time

Let's wrap this project up with what I've written the most about: Reflections.

I feel like I have done quite a lot of reflecting throughout this entire project, but I do feel right now is a good time to write this. I'm taking a break from editing the final touches of the film. I was editing the scene with the teacup and everything just hit me at once. It hit me that:

1. The reason why I'm doing this short film is because my grandmother is gone
2. This is the last little piece of me I am sharing with the world during my high school career 
3. I have been stripped away from  the last few AICE Media A Level classes with an amazing teacher (or cult leader) and with some of the most amazing and creative people I have ever met, whom I have formed a very strong bond with

This deadline feels like the end of an era. Am I being dramatic? Probably. It's okay. It's okay to get a little emotional.

This project has been hell of a ride for sure. I have documented everything on my blog—all the ups and downs. I feel like this was a bit of a sneak peek for the real world. When things go wrong, or not the way they are expected to go, one applies resilience. This trait is something that I have discovered about myself the past two years. Knowing how to adapt makes you a stronger individual. Sometimes when things don't go the way you want them to, plan B results even better. A good example: the Ricky Baker birthday song from Hunt for the Wilderpeople.  Yejin told me that the story behind it was that they couldn't get the rights to the happy birthday song, so the actress came up with that song instead. And it is probably one of my favorite scenes ever. I can't imagine it being as good with the original happy birthday song.

It was frustrating at first, to push through and start filming. There was a time when I felt extremely unmotivated to start the project because things didn't go the way I planned them out. And I'm sure this happened to everyone, or at least the people that didn't have any footage before the quarantine started. I was one of those people. Luckily, my entire story took place in my own house, so it was easy for me to shoot everything at any time I wanted. I did struggle with the actors in the beginning—I needed a little girl and an old lady. I ended up having my 6 year old neighbor act, which turned out perfect. As for the old lady, I only needed wrinkled hands. I was able to pull it off by using my mom's hands, which are not that wrinkled, but they worked. I basically kept my entire story the same, I just made the opening monologue part more experimental looking, using tighter shots that seem more abstract.

I am personally happy with how my project turned out. I know that there is a lot more I could've done, but I did do this to the best of my ability. There was a huge sense of helping each other out and supporting each other. We all had our little breakdowns from time to time, but it all worked out in the end. It feels good to finally complete this project after so much uncertainty and doubt. I know I will look back and think about how crazy these times were, with so many things happening and so many things that never happened.


I had to adjust with the situation a lot, but I feel like that's what makes this project so meaningful. I think I did accomplish what my ultimate goal was: make a project that is overloaded with authenticity and sincerity.

I can't wait until the day I come across the link to this blog again in 10 years and read all of my thought process.

Hi Sophie from the future, I hope you're doing exactly what you wanted to do.

Ze updated monologue

So as I mentioned before, I was going to keep all of my original idea for the film except for the monologue. It was going to have a more experimental focus, which shots that are more symbolic and photographic rather than literal. I also had to slightly shrink it because or else it was going to be too long. Here it is, the updated version:

When I was 7 I hated death. I didn’t know exactly what it meant. To die. But whatever it was, I was terrified. I would make up these superstitions in my head. “Don’t step on the grass; you’ll never see your mom again”.

I would wake up in the middle of the night to check how my mom's heart was doing, but my method often went wrong. So I switched things up a little for a boost of discreteness.

And when my goldfish died, I couldn’t understand it. I remember my mom saying “he’s gone to heaven and he’s swimming in the sky with all the other fish”.

11 years later. It was time for me to experience what losing someone real was like. Someone close. A loved one.

A brand is born

I have been thinking of which still from the film I want to have in the website as the homepage image. These are my options (a little sneak peek if you will):

I will most likely alter the hues and exposure on these to match the way I will do the color grading. I want to bring out all the blue tones in the film. I'll discuss this more when I start editing color!!

Also, Yejin sent me their drafts today for the postcard and I fell in love jsdnvklj

This first one I thought was super creative and eye catching, and I love how each scale would be a different shot from the film. I thought it was really cool how the fish tail would be shown in the back.

And this!!!! I've decided this is the one. Yejin thought it was very dy humor, which is what I'm going for. You see this image and don't know if you should laugh a little or cry a little, which is what I'm going for in this film. There will be clouds around also.

To have consistent branding, I feel like I most likely will go with either of the fish stills. I feel like the teacup is bigger of a symbol in the film though, so I'll have to see. Maybe the stamp in the postcard I mentioned earlier could be a little teacup? 

Also, I think I will be naming my film "Afloat". Almost sure, not 100% positive. But when I hear this word I think of the following:

• Fish
• Static
• Pondering
• Water 

Which pretty much makes up my entire film. It's a good option I think. I'm really excited!! I'm happy everything came together, when it was once a little messy and uncertain. Being able to accomplish this project really gives me a sense of reassurance. 

Naming my baby

Hello good afternoon. A few updates:

• I finished filming!!!
• I started editing today!!
• The New Abnormal is a great album and it's been on repeat since it came out!!
• I don't have a name for my short film yet!!

And I have no clue what to call it, but I've decided I'm coming up with a name by tonight. I cannot express how lame it is to have to name all the audio and footage files "Short film A Level" because I don't have anything original yet.

In searching for inspiration. I looked up the meaning of my grandmother's name: Zoraida. Very interesting things came up. 

1.  It has Arabic origin, and it means "enchanting" or "dawn"
2. It is also likely Cervantes invented the name, there was a character named Zoraida in Don Quixote
3. It was also the name of a minor 12th century Spanish saint, a convert from Islam

Three very interesting facts. Could I name my film Dawn or The Convert? No. Enchanting Woman??? No. None of these would make sense. 

So I do have the option of naming it Greetings From Heaven. It is what shows on the postcard, and I've been told it would definitely work as a title. I agree. Sort of. It does embody the content, but it does sound like some kind of cheesy early 2000s rom com. Am I wrong? Maybe. 

I don't know what to name it jsndgkjbjfks

My mom was saying I should name it something that radiates emptiness. She mentioned calling it "The Void" but: 

I feel like I already know about too many things named something related to a void and it just makes everything superficial and it would lose its essence because it would be compared to a song, a horror film, and a band. I hope you know what I mean. 

sdfghjkl; i dont know

I just happened to find an article named "Greetings From Heaven: A Modern History Of Heaven Tourism". Clever.

I thought of naming it something related to the symbols that appear in it: orchids, fish, chimes, or teacups. Maybe have a name in french or spanish? The two languages my grandmother spoke.

Maybe something related to euphemisms? Melatonin? I found this article with death euphemisms. Some are kind of funny not gonna lie. I didn't know "kicked the bucket" was a thing.

I'll just make a list here with the possible title options:

• Greetings From Heaven
• "L'aube" or "L'aurore" (dawn in french)
• Tea Time
• Gone Elsewhere
• Elsewhere
• Eternal rest
• Departed
• Paradis (paradise in french)
• Flying Fish
• Afloat

I guess I'll just reveal the name later this week when I come up with it my brain's too overloaded at the time. 

Ups and downs

I am tired and I'm in pain and it's also that time of month (am I allowed to say this idk oops)

But filming has semi concluded!! I'm still missing a few shots from the argument scene with my mom, the making tea scene, and the flashback with the teacup scene. Here are my fellow actors on set today:


I will get the rest done tomorrow. Today just wasn't the day. I have been overloaded with school work and been filming for 5 hours straight. I was also filming bits of Yejin's project today. I don't know if I mentioned this (i think i did) but I was supposed to act in their project with by brother, but due to the circumstances, me and my brother weren't able to. So instead I'm filming some scenes and sending them over! This did take up time and was quite stressful at times because my brother would complain!!!! And I was tired of it!!! But we finished and I was happy with what I filmed. I hope Yejin and Joey like it too🥺

After this, I had to shoot my own project. I had the intention of wrapping up filming completely and maybe even start editing but noooooooodnjbnhnev. No. I know I fill finish tomorrow and I know I will have time finish it before the deadline. All because of an angel called Tina who decided to extend the dealine for the CCR (u rock Tdog (am i allowed to call u this i don't know either but yea ur cool)). This is what honestly worried me the most—not having a good quality CCR because I would have to rush things.

I am much more at peace now. But I admit I am scared and stressed. My aim is to be transparent in here so I will say it. I'm scared I won't be 100% happy with my outcome. I'm pretty sure ze media people are going through the same thing. This portfolio project was going to be that last piece of us we would leave behind in high school as we went out into the world. We wanted to pour all of our creativity into this project and showcase it with pride and satisfaction. It is nobody's fault that this is going on but I know it has decreased our general motivation.

Maybe it's some stupid meta-narrative thing. The whole "second semester senior year is the best!!! you have fun!! prom! graduation! it's the peak of your life!!!!!!!!!!" thing. But I feel like this is all hitting all at once and has caused that sense of not having anything to look forward to anytime soon. I MISS MY MEDIA PEOPLE. Aka "ze media cult". I miss going to class and doing recommendations. dsfghjopcgyuijouhiygtr im SAD.

aaaaaanfskjkwgd i don't know. This is ranty, I know. I just wanted to vent. I want this project to be everything I wanted it to. But if it doesn't turn out, I was thinking that I could remake it in the future with better actors (sorry mom and Phil) and better audio.

I wanted to end this post on a nice positive note. The new Strokes album (The New Abnormal) came out today and I love it so much. It's exactly what I needed amidst this mess lol. That music video I've been mentioning a lot in here—that song is on the album. This album made me realize how much I love music and bands and how much artists have helped me. Picture me at 2am crying while listening to Ode To The Mets. I am so incredibly thankful.

This is their album cover. It's a piece by Basquiat (also one of my favorite artists) called Bird on Money.