Ups and downs

I am tired and I'm in pain and it's also that time of month (am I allowed to say this idk oops)

But filming has semi concluded!! I'm still missing a few shots from the argument scene with my mom, the making tea scene, and the flashback with the teacup scene. Here are my fellow actors on set today:


I will get the rest done tomorrow. Today just wasn't the day. I have been overloaded with school work and been filming for 5 hours straight. I was also filming bits of Yejin's project today. I don't know if I mentioned this (i think i did) but I was supposed to act in their project with by brother, but due to the circumstances, me and my brother weren't able to. So instead I'm filming some scenes and sending them over! This did take up time and was quite stressful at times because my brother would complain!!!! And I was tired of it!!! But we finished and I was happy with what I filmed. I hope Yejin and Joey like it too🥺

After this, I had to shoot my own project. I had the intention of wrapping up filming completely and maybe even start editing but noooooooodnjbnhnev. No. I know I fill finish tomorrow and I know I will have time finish it before the deadline. All because of an angel called Tina who decided to extend the dealine for the CCR (u rock Tdog (am i allowed to call u this i don't know either but yea ur cool)). This is what honestly worried me the most—not having a good quality CCR because I would have to rush things.

I am much more at peace now. But I admit I am scared and stressed. My aim is to be transparent in here so I will say it. I'm scared I won't be 100% happy with my outcome. I'm pretty sure ze media people are going through the same thing. This portfolio project was going to be that last piece of us we would leave behind in high school as we went out into the world. We wanted to pour all of our creativity into this project and showcase it with pride and satisfaction. It is nobody's fault that this is going on but I know it has decreased our general motivation.

Maybe it's some stupid meta-narrative thing. The whole "second semester senior year is the best!!! you have fun!! prom! graduation! it's the peak of your life!!!!!!!!!!" thing. But I feel like this is all hitting all at once and has caused that sense of not having anything to look forward to anytime soon. I MISS MY MEDIA PEOPLE. Aka "ze media cult". I miss going to class and doing recommendations. dsfghjopcgyuijouhiygtr im SAD.

aaaaaanfskjkwgd i don't know. This is ranty, I know. I just wanted to vent. I want this project to be everything I wanted it to. But if it doesn't turn out, I was thinking that I could remake it in the future with better actors (sorry mom and Phil) and better audio.

I wanted to end this post on a nice positive note. The new Strokes album (The New Abnormal) came out today and I love it so much. It's exactly what I needed amidst this mess lol. That music video I've been mentioning a lot in here—that song is on the album. This album made me realize how much I love music and bands and how much artists have helped me. Picture me at 2am crying while listening to Ode To The Mets. I am so incredibly thankful.

This is their album cover. It's a piece by Basquiat (also one of my favorite artists) called Bird on Money.