Goodbyes suck (once again)

Here it is, the very much awaited CCR.

This is it! This is goodbye for now.

Very bittersweet.

This has been a very cathartic journey and I am so glad I was able to share this little piece of me through here.

And don't worry, I probably won't be gone forever. If I ever make a new blog (I probably will) I'll link it here.

Stay Afloat <3

I present to you: Afloat

Click to see:

Short film

Website

And here is the postcard:

This feels unreal after everything that has happened.

There are a lot of things I still want to elaborate on from the entire project, so a CCR will be uploaded soon :)

For now, enjoy what I like to call "an exploration of loss".

Me being existential and reflective one last time

Let's wrap this project up with what I've written the most about: Reflections.

I feel like I have done quite a lot of reflecting throughout this entire project, but I do feel right now is a good time to write this. I'm taking a break from editing the final touches of the film. I was editing the scene with the teacup and everything just hit me at once. It hit me that:

1. The reason why I'm doing this short film is because my grandmother is gone
2. This is the last little piece of me I am sharing with the world during my high school career 
3. I have been stripped away from  the last few AICE Media A Level classes with an amazing teacher (or cult leader) and with some of the most amazing and creative people I have ever met, whom I have formed a very strong bond with

This deadline feels like the end of an era. Am I being dramatic? Probably. It's okay. It's okay to get a little emotional.

This project has been hell of a ride for sure. I have documented everything on my blog—all the ups and downs. I feel like this was a bit of a sneak peek for the real world. When things go wrong, or not the way they are expected to go, one applies resilience. This trait is something that I have discovered about myself the past two years. Knowing how to adapt makes you a stronger individual. Sometimes when things don't go the way you want them to, plan B results even better. A good example: the Ricky Baker birthday song from Hunt for the Wilderpeople.  Yejin told me that the story behind it was that they couldn't get the rights to the happy birthday song, so the actress came up with that song instead. And it is probably one of my favorite scenes ever. I can't imagine it being as good with the original happy birthday song.

It was frustrating at first, to push through and start filming. There was a time when I felt extremely unmotivated to start the project because things didn't go the way I planned them out. And I'm sure this happened to everyone, or at least the people that didn't have any footage before the quarantine started. I was one of those people. Luckily, my entire story took place in my own house, so it was easy for me to shoot everything at any time I wanted. I did struggle with the actors in the beginning—I needed a little girl and an old lady. I ended up having my 6 year old neighbor act, which turned out perfect. As for the old lady, I only needed wrinkled hands. I was able to pull it off by using my mom's hands, which are not that wrinkled, but they worked. I basically kept my entire story the same, I just made the opening monologue part more experimental looking, using tighter shots that seem more abstract.

I am personally happy with how my project turned out. I know that there is a lot more I could've done, but I did do this to the best of my ability. There was a huge sense of helping each other out and supporting each other. We all had our little breakdowns from time to time, but it all worked out in the end. It feels good to finally complete this project after so much uncertainty and doubt. I know I will look back and think about how crazy these times were, with so many things happening and so many things that never happened.


I had to adjust with the situation a lot, but I feel like that's what makes this project so meaningful. I think I did accomplish what my ultimate goal was: make a project that is overloaded with authenticity and sincerity.

I can't wait until the day I come across the link to this blog again in 10 years and read all of my thought process.

Hi Sophie from the future, I hope you're doing exactly what you wanted to do.

Ze updated monologue

So as I mentioned before, I was going to keep all of my original idea for the film except for the monologue. It was going to have a more experimental focus, which shots that are more symbolic and photographic rather than literal. I also had to slightly shrink it because or else it was going to be too long. Here it is, the updated version:

When I was 7 I hated death. I didn’t know exactly what it meant. To die. But whatever it was, I was terrified. I would make up these superstitions in my head. “Don’t step on the grass; you’ll never see your mom again”.

I would wake up in the middle of the night to check how my mom's heart was doing, but my method often went wrong. So I switched things up a little for a boost of discreteness.

And when my goldfish died, I couldn’t understand it. I remember my mom saying “he’s gone to heaven and he’s swimming in the sky with all the other fish”.

11 years later. It was time for me to experience what losing someone real was like. Someone close. A loved one.

A brand is born

I have been thinking of which still from the film I want to have in the website as the homepage image. These are my options (a little sneak peek if you will):

I will most likely alter the hues and exposure on these to match the way I will do the color grading. I want to bring out all the blue tones in the film. I'll discuss this more when I start editing color!!

Also, Yejin sent me their drafts today for the postcard and I fell in love jsdnvklj

This first one I thought was super creative and eye catching, and I love how each scale would be a different shot from the film. I thought it was really cool how the fish tail would be shown in the back.

And this!!!! I've decided this is the one. Yejin thought it was very dy humor, which is what I'm going for. You see this image and don't know if you should laugh a little or cry a little, which is what I'm going for in this film. There will be clouds around also.

To have consistent branding, I feel like I most likely will go with either of the fish stills. I feel like the teacup is bigger of a symbol in the film though, so I'll have to see. Maybe the stamp in the postcard I mentioned earlier could be a little teacup? 

Also, I think I will be naming my film "Afloat". Almost sure, not 100% positive. But when I hear this word I think of the following:

• Fish
• Static
• Pondering
• Water 

Which pretty much makes up my entire film. It's a good option I think. I'm really excited!! I'm happy everything came together, when it was once a little messy and uncertain. Being able to accomplish this project really gives me a sense of reassurance. 

Naming my baby

Hello good afternoon. A few updates:

• I finished filming!!!
• I started editing today!!
• The New Abnormal is a great album and it's been on repeat since it came out!!
• I don't have a name for my short film yet!!

And I have no clue what to call it, but I've decided I'm coming up with a name by tonight. I cannot express how lame it is to have to name all the audio and footage files "Short film A Level" because I don't have anything original yet.

In searching for inspiration. I looked up the meaning of my grandmother's name: Zoraida. Very interesting things came up. 

1.  It has Arabic origin, and it means "enchanting" or "dawn"
2. It is also likely Cervantes invented the name, there was a character named Zoraida in Don Quixote
3. It was also the name of a minor 12th century Spanish saint, a convert from Islam

Three very interesting facts. Could I name my film Dawn or The Convert? No. Enchanting Woman??? No. None of these would make sense. 

So I do have the option of naming it Greetings From Heaven. It is what shows on the postcard, and I've been told it would definitely work as a title. I agree. Sort of. It does embody the content, but it does sound like some kind of cheesy early 2000s rom com. Am I wrong? Maybe. 

I don't know what to name it jsndgkjbjfks

My mom was saying I should name it something that radiates emptiness. She mentioned calling it "The Void" but: 

I feel like I already know about too many things named something related to a void and it just makes everything superficial and it would lose its essence because it would be compared to a song, a horror film, and a band. I hope you know what I mean. 

sdfghjkl; i dont know

I just happened to find an article named "Greetings From Heaven: A Modern History Of Heaven Tourism". Clever.

I thought of naming it something related to the symbols that appear in it: orchids, fish, chimes, or teacups. Maybe have a name in french or spanish? The two languages my grandmother spoke.

Maybe something related to euphemisms? Melatonin? I found this article with death euphemisms. Some are kind of funny not gonna lie. I didn't know "kicked the bucket" was a thing.

I'll just make a list here with the possible title options:

• Greetings From Heaven
• "L'aube" or "L'aurore" (dawn in french)
• Tea Time
• Gone Elsewhere
• Elsewhere
• Eternal rest
• Departed
• Paradis (paradise in french)
• Flying Fish
• Afloat

I guess I'll just reveal the name later this week when I come up with it my brain's too overloaded at the time. 

Ups and downs

I am tired and I'm in pain and it's also that time of month (am I allowed to say this idk oops)

But filming has semi concluded!! I'm still missing a few shots from the argument scene with my mom, the making tea scene, and the flashback with the teacup scene. Here are my fellow actors on set today:


I will get the rest done tomorrow. Today just wasn't the day. I have been overloaded with school work and been filming for 5 hours straight. I was also filming bits of Yejin's project today. I don't know if I mentioned this (i think i did) but I was supposed to act in their project with by brother, but due to the circumstances, me and my brother weren't able to. So instead I'm filming some scenes and sending them over! This did take up time and was quite stressful at times because my brother would complain!!!! And I was tired of it!!! But we finished and I was happy with what I filmed. I hope Yejin and Joey like it too🥺

After this, I had to shoot my own project. I had the intention of wrapping up filming completely and maybe even start editing but noooooooodnjbnhnev. No. I know I fill finish tomorrow and I know I will have time finish it before the deadline. All because of an angel called Tina who decided to extend the dealine for the CCR (u rock Tdog (am i allowed to call u this i don't know either but yea ur cool)). This is what honestly worried me the most—not having a good quality CCR because I would have to rush things.

I am much more at peace now. But I admit I am scared and stressed. My aim is to be transparent in here so I will say it. I'm scared I won't be 100% happy with my outcome. I'm pretty sure ze media people are going through the same thing. This portfolio project was going to be that last piece of us we would leave behind in high school as we went out into the world. We wanted to pour all of our creativity into this project and showcase it with pride and satisfaction. It is nobody's fault that this is going on but I know it has decreased our general motivation.

Maybe it's some stupid meta-narrative thing. The whole "second semester senior year is the best!!! you have fun!! prom! graduation! it's the peak of your life!!!!!!!!!!" thing. But I feel like this is all hitting all at once and has caused that sense of not having anything to look forward to anytime soon. I MISS MY MEDIA PEOPLE. Aka "ze media cult". I miss going to class and doing recommendations. dsfghjopcgyuijouhiygtr im SAD.

aaaaaanfskjkwgd i don't know. This is ranty, I know. I just wanted to vent. I want this project to be everything I wanted it to. But if it doesn't turn out, I was thinking that I could remake it in the future with better actors (sorry mom and Phil) and better audio.

I wanted to end this post on a nice positive note. The new Strokes album (The New Abnormal) came out today and I love it so much. It's exactly what I needed amidst this mess lol. That music video I've been mentioning a lot in here—that song is on the album. This album made me realize how much I love music and bands and how much artists have helped me. Picture me at 2am crying while listening to Ode To The Mets. I am so incredibly thankful.

This is their album cover. It's a piece by Basquiat (also one of my favorite artists) called Bird on Money.

How to make tea

Today I decided I would film the last scene—the one where I make myself a cup of tea and I do not drink it. Here's the very messy and not completely complete shot list:

These are the props I gathered:

I had a teapot, a kettle, and the tea itself, and I gathered this teacup with the dainty lace placemat. Filming this by myself was a task because:

a) I had to record the audio and footage simultaneously

b) I had to set up the composition of the shots and then check them through the screen on my camera

c) I did very very extreme high angle shots and well, you can guess how that went. It involved standing on chairs and attempting to scoop tea from up there.

Thank the universe for tripods. I seriously don't know what I would do without them.

This scene ended up being wayyyy more time consuming that I thought, and recorded about 12 shots in 3 hours. I was tired by the end, and I still haven't finished this scene. I still have to film the shots where I appear.

Nonetheless, I had to stage the drying rack next to the sink, and I think I did a pretty good job:

Did a little bit of color coordination there. It was tough because my kitchen isn't exactly pretty. It's a mix of warm brown wood and black marble, which I admit is slightly tacky when trying to make a scene look pretty. I will definitely be experimenting with color grading!!!

I plan to finish shooting everything tomorrow, or at least complete the scenes with my mom and brother, just so I can stop bugging them and relax a little. 

CCR (kinda sorta)

So I admit I've fallen behind schedule and haven't concluded with the filming yet BUT, I have been working on my CCR questions meanwhile. 

Here's what I've written so far for each of them. I feel like I can't elaborate much yet because I haven't finalized any of the three components (short film, postcard, and website), but here's a draft kinda thing.

1) How do your products use or challenge conventions and how do they represent social groups or issues?

Short film:
Use conventions:

• lengthwise
• beginning, middle and end

Challenge conventions:

• Experimental, avant garde
• not the conventional setting, climax, and resolution

Postcard:

• Emphasis on common conventions of a postcard:
• Stamp
• "Greetings from..."

Website:

• Uses film website conventions
• dynamic
• big images
• links to social media
• stills from the film 

Social groups: families, people who experience loss for the first time, children who aren't really aware of what loss is

Social issues: loss, grief, family conflict, child innocence

2) How do the elements of your production work together to create a sense of 'branding'?

• Through imagery 
• Postcard reflects themes of death and also images of fish
• Website would have images that are seen on the film
• Film title font same on all products and platforms

3) How do your products engage with the audience and how would they be distributed as real media products?

Short film
Engagement: it will be watched!!! and hopefully create a sense of empathy and sincerity
Distribution: Film festivals, website (linked to), youtube, vimeo

Post card
Engagement: would have the audience go to the theater to collect their stamp and watch the film (scavenger hunt type thing)
Distribution: around film festival

Website
Engagement: stills of the film, links to social media
Distribution: linked to my social media and the festival's social media 

4) How did you integrate technologies—software, hardware and online—in this project?

Software: Final cut pro, photoshop

Hardware: Camera, microphone

Online: Wix website, music???, research

----

Filming will be concluded tomorrow and editing will finally start!!!

I should've expected this

So it isn't happening and I want to burst and cry!!!!!!!! I'm upset that I won't be able to produce this to the best of my ability. Sure, I'll have a good mic for my future projects but like ://///

I'll try using the mic on my earbuds, or just stick to the mic I had before. I'll figure it out. aahEjshdfjhsgjhjwbhieuccbgrhfsiersnjoi utotabuiurfjghdjawbry r :((((((((((((((((((((

-----

7:35 PM

Update: I'm kind of an idiot. I happened to suddenly remember a very important detail: my neighbor is a film student.

We have a mic now!!!!!!!!!!!! jhfjkhdgj yay

Fish can fly

I finally have the final idea for the postcard!!! What I did was I incorporated my two previous design ideas together, and it turns out, they reflect a part of the dialogue in the film.

"He's gone to heaven and he's swimming in the sky with all the other fish"

This is a draft LOL but this is basically the way it will be arranged. It's gonna be very postcard-esque text with fish swimming (or flying) around the sky and clouds. My art skills are no good for this. Which is why my very talented and extremely creative friend Yejin will be helping me out!!! I will be shooting some scenes for their portfolio project from my house, and in return I'm getting help with art stuffs :)))

I also happened to have this tiny card type thing I bought at the school art fair a few months ago, and I thought something like this would look really cool:

I absolutely loved it when I saw it and I bought it. The colors!!!! The fish!!! The serenity it evokes!!! Credits to the artist whom I don't personally know but I hope she's doing well!!!

I will keep updates on how the art will be looking. I have yet to brainstorm a bit more with Yejin :-)

They also made this really friggen cute sketch on how we basically met (thought I'd post it here for contextual purposes):

Shoutout to u star!!! I appreciate u a lot :-)

Deja Vu

Guess who's once again ordering a mic from Amazon, very last minute. Me. I guess I'll just make this a tradition for every single one of my projects. Just order a mic online and I'm good to go. So, am I behind??? Yes. But I do it for quality purposes.

I'm still waiting for it to get here, it'll be two days. So, hopefully Sunday or Monday will be my last filming day.

It's a lapel mic I ordered by the way! I just really wanted good quality sound for the dialogue so...I had to.

So yes, we will be waiting a little longer :////

Branches and bunnies

It's day 2 of filming!!!!!

So my family makes up my entire cast, and they haven't really been in the mood to be on camera the past few days. But today's the day. I plan to shoot all of the monologue scenes today and all the other scenes tomorrow. So hopefully I can start editing tomorrow or Friday. I am calm though, because I have been working on my CCR and done research on websites. I think I'm on track.

Also, quick unrelated update! I got into my dream school for the Bachelor of Media Studies a few days ago. This is HUGE and I'm really happy with how far I've gotten :))))). UBC here I come (once this corona thing is over)!!!

Anyways, here's the shotlist we'll be going with!! I made a few changes, and I really liked my mom's suggestion: instead of doing the faucet thing she suggested I could show a little kid stepping on the roots of a tree, trying to not fall into the grass.

Also, I desperately needed a child for these scenes, so my neighbor and friend Ari helped me out and will be playing "mini me". Look how cute she is:

It was easy to have her act because she literally lives next door, which is super convenient. Also, fun fact, she came over barefoot and with that dress on. I did not think of asking her to wear a specific outfit, but the way she showed up was perfect!!!!!

We shot the scenes where she was outside walking on the tree branches, and they turned out super cute. My mom also had the great idea to have her hold a stuffed animal while she was walking around the branches, so I dug around my closet and found this bunny from when I was a baby. It was perfect.



Shooting the "night" scenes where really fun. It was obviously weird for a 6 year old to stick her finger under a 40 year old woman's nose (that isn't her mom). The angles and composition of the shots were a little improvised. But then again, this is a fully experimental film.

This is Ari slightly scared of my mom                                          This is her tucked in my sister's bed!

                                           

The tables have turned^                                                                 This is me having a little moment of                                                                                                       doubt and Ari not knowing what to do

We ended up dressing her in one of my sister's pjs with little kittens in it, which was really cute. I also had to experiment a lot with the lighting. As it was nightime I had to make it look a little dark, but when I turned off the bedroom lights it was way too dark, so I turned on the lamp on the nightstand from the other side of the bed, and managed to get very a nice, warm and subtle light. I'll definitely explain a little more of the visual aspects once I go into editing. I will do some color-grading!

I still have to shoot some of the other monologue scenes tomorrow, where my parents appear. Hopefully we will wrap it up tomorrow. I've decided I might have to borrow a mic from one of my fellow media people. I jest really want good audio🥺

But yes!!! Everything's going well. My mom and brother are already practicing their lines for tomorrow. I'm excited for these scenes.

Blogception

So I have been thinking about what my website will look like. I don't think I've ever seen a website dedicated to one specific short film. So I googled "short film websites" and I found this blog with a bunch of links to different websites with short films in them.

I clicked on all the links, and I guess the only one that I found to be most appealing was shortoftheweek.com!

I really liked the very dynamic and graphic aesthetic it had. Here's a screen recording!!

I also thought if the website for mid90s. I happened to do a case study for it last year, and the website design really stuck to me. I thought the split screen idea looked really cool. Here's another screen recording.

From what I found, here's a few conventions that film websites have, that I would like to include in mine:

• Dynamic
• Images that cover large portion of screen
• Very minimalist
• Usually link social media or streaming services where one could watch

I've never been THAT into website design, and I do admit it is something I would really like to master lol. I asked in the media group chat which website design services they suggested, and Luis HIGHLY recommended Wix. He said it was easy to use and had really nice designs so I followed his advice. I found the perfect template by looking up "film" on the template page:

This is the homepage!!!! It's perfect!!!! I think I will be going for this one. I have it all set. I just need:

1. content
2. a title

The title of this film has been making me lose sleep at night. I have no clue what to name it. I guess I'll come up with it at one point. It'll spark out of nowhere. That's usually how it happens for me. I guess I can listen to songs and come up with it??? Yeah, idk. I'll keep you updated on that.

Arts n crafts n goldfish

It's filming day 1!!

So I decided I would start off by filming the monologue scenes today, or as many of them as I could.

So I don't know if I mentioned this, but I do own a goldfish, and his name is actually Sushi. My sister won it as a price on a carnival she went in November, and somehow it is still alive and thriving and swimming around. The name was also her idea btw. A little cruel, I know. It's like naming your cow Stew or Burger.

I shot the fishbowl from different angles (experimental much) to see what would look best and just to play around really. Look at her experimenting and all:



I still don't know if I will 100% include these shots because my original idea was to simply show a decorated shoe box as the little "fish coffin" if you will, as I would speak about my goldfish dying.

But I did get crafty and turned this:

Into this:

I am now the queen of crafts. And it was also a nice therapeutic thing to do. You see that purple glitter heart in the corner? That was a mess. The little glitter container exploded when I tried to open it and I had to vacuum everywhere. Very really great stuff, I know.

I kinda felt like the worst human ever because I was making his fake coffin thing right in front of him. While he was alive and swimming and probably watching.

So because I had fish and art in my mind. I remembered this piece:
This is one of my favorite pieces from the 250 AP Art History pieces that I've studied throughout the year. It's called The Goldfish by Henri Matisse. It's just so nice to look at. It's so serene but lively at the same time.

And I was thinking that another option could be for my postcard to have fish in it??? 

I did this little concept doodle to figure things out a little. It's kinda like the symbol of the whole film. it embodies it which I like. I also think it shows a little more consistency in branding than my previous idea with the "Greetings from heaven". I still have to think about it a bit more. But I think it's a good idea.

So yeah! I got a bunch of footage for the monologue part, but I still have to put it together and fill in some parts. There will be more on these soon. As for the other scenes, my mom hasn't been feeling well these past couple of days and has stayed in bed because of a migraine (no, she doesn't have corona lol) so I can't really film the part where there's dialogue with her. So I am a little behind schedule, but I still have plenty of time. I have already started working on some of the CCR questions, and I will make a blogpost about those soon. 

Embracing Mr. Death

Just got off the meeting with Tina! In other words: we have answers.

We're sticking to loss. And I'm happy I am!!

The story will be the same, but here's some of the changes I'm making (or here's how we're fixing the little tingz):

1. The shots will be way more symbolic, experimental, tight, and detail oriented—show them as all the little parts of one whole piece. 
2. ^this applies to all of it, but more on the monologue—as I do not have a child actor, I will be making the visuals way less literal than I had planned. I plan to record the monologue first and then see what images would fit into it. Kinda like building a puzzle little by little. 
3. As for the old wrinkly hands, I could "share" footage with my classmates. Mariana happens to live with her step grandmother, so I could ask her to shoot something for me. Another option is to go for makeup?? I could play around with eyeshadows and shade my mother's hand?? Maybe?? Could work. We'll see. 
4. Transform individual grief (my own) to what the whole family is experiencing. Focus on mom and dad, brother and sister.

Tina really liked the idea of me shooting random things around the house. It is a way of building a story gradually, with no thought out goal. I will definitely get some really nice content out of doing this, so we will keep it going :)

We are embracing loss!!!!!!! And we are happy we are!!!! 

Talking about hugging death, remember that music video by The Strokes I mentioned a few blogposts ago? I looked up the artist on Instagram and he happened to post this scene that was cut off from the music video. This is what he captioned it: 

🎶🔛My favorite shot of the video, cut at the last moment because it was too sad. Kind of fitting for a video about loss. What do you think? Too sad or jussss right?

Yes Mr. Burakoff, my heart was torn but I also felt incredible warmth. Creativity is scary. 

This shot was so beautiful and I would've loved to see it in the video, but I do agree it might've been to profound for a song by The Strokes. I'm obsessed with it though. It's just so beautiful. And hey..."Kind of fitting for a video about loss". I am a fan of synchronicity.

Here's a link to the post!  His art is really cool. He also made the music video of When You Die by MGMT. (Warning: very really trippy)

We are really now on track. For real this time. I plan to shoot everything and edit this week (I have pleeeenty of time) and I will also be working on the CCR questions in the meantime. I have already started looking into platforms for the promotional website, and we'll also discuss those later :))

x

Uncertainty

I feel like this is the general theme of life right now. For everyone. Everything is uncertain. Even more than it was before. So I was thinking...should I make my short film about this? 

I kind of thought of a title as I was just making myself a cup of tea. I rushed to my room just so I could write about this. 

Subject to Change

Sounds good right? I feel like it would make a good title. And it would be very symbolic as well. Am I onto something??? Is this going somewhere? Maybe. I feel like a story with a title like this could be very experimental. But how would I develop a beginning, middle and end?

To be continued. (I set up a meeting with Tstok tomorrow, so things will definitely be clearer)

I went on a little walk around vista park with my boyfriend the other day (because I'm only allowed to leave the house if I go outdoors). It was a way of appreciating nature and getting a bit of inspiration. I took random footage of the things I saw around me, once again.

Here's what I collected:

Ok yes pretty nature footage and all but???? Short film potential?? Does it tell a story?? Relevant? Useful? ??? ???? so many questions. Also, my indecisive nature is no good. I question things a lot, which is a good thing and it is something that should be practiced. But with that also comes indecisiveness. I think things way too much. This whole project will be an exploration of...well an exploration of an exploration??? Things are uncertain. But I will hopefully have some answers tomorrow. 

I truly believe that not having answers and being a little all over the place is part of the process. I am okay with not knowing anything.

CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES (turn and face the strange)

Cheesy title, I know. But appropriate.

So we just concluded our Totally Normal Online Meeting with Tina. In summary this is what's going on:

• 3rd quarter isn't over, there will still be more grades put up
• Online school starts March 30th
• We might have to change things up a little on this project

Basically we have two options:

a) Stick to the loss idea but change it up a little

b) completely scratch loss idea and make new idea

Do we have a preference? Yes. Ideally, I would like to stick to the loss idea, maybe change things up a little and replace a few scenes. I am kinda upset because that flashback scene with the wrinkly hands would have created the spine of the entire film. And now I cannot have wrinkly hand :(((((((

I am definitely going to be thinking this through more. For now, I will talk to my peers on what they advise I should do, and also email Tina for help. I will also be watching experimental films and get some inspo.

I have a feeling this project will turn out to be some kind of life lesson. Adaptation is so important, and it is a general theme I have found within my 18 years of life. This is a great opportunity to improvise a little and be able to adapt to this whole situation. 

I was also thinking, I will most likely be filming random clips as well as recording audio. Just so I gather content and hopefully create something with it. The other day I randomly recorded my parents from upstairs as they were drinking wine in the backyard. This is what came out:

My pupper was also there 🥺

A little off topic but: blog people, meet Kai, a 10 month Shih-Tzu (he's the cutest boi ever)

This is him when he was more of a baby!!!!

This is him more recently. A whole TWEEN.

So yeah lol that was my dog. But in regards to the clip of my parents. I feel like there was something so honest about their interaction. Idk, I just thought it was sweet and nice. That word "nice". Yeah it was just nice. I think I might be onto something. I will definitely post these random little snippets of the quarantine life I will be recording. For now, it's brainstorming time. And there will be a whole lot of it. 

Oops (and also good news)

Just realized the link for the script doesn't work.
Here it is!!!!!








I had to take screenshots of the pdf lol. It's the only way I could make it work.

-------

HI HELLO UPDATE:

SOME GOOD NEWS AMIDST THIS WHOLE CRISIS:

I GOT INTO EMERSON FOR MEDIA ARTS PRODUCTION!!!!! I also got a scholarship which I am very happy about :))) I really needed to hear this.

I am not sure if I will be going there yet, as the tuition is very expensive. But I'm happy to finally be accepted somewhere!

Call me Tentin Quarantino

Here is the script!!!

I decided to only script the parts that have actual dialogue, instead of describing every scene. This is all of course subject to change!! I could edit a few things while filming, it all depends on what sounds better. 

So update on this whole epidemic thing. The world is still ending. All I see in the media is related to coronavirus and I am very much sick of it. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. I wish the world wasn't on hold and I wish people would't have died. It's crazy how this is creating this huge ripple effect. I never would've thought that it would affect the production of this project, not only for me but for a lot of my classmates. I am thankful my piece has only one filming location (which is my house) but, I have two issues:

a) I need a female child actor AND a woman with wrinkly hands (so an old lady)

b) I (and a lot of my classmates) needed equipment from Becon TV but it's closed :((

I have my mic that I bought last year for my film opening, but it really isn't very good for dialogue. 

Also. My mom is being super strict about me leaving the house (which I kind of understand). But it means that I might not be able to act in any of my friends' projects, which I am very worried about because it isn't fair :( I know it's not my fault, but I feel bad lol. 

I guess this whole situation means that I have to cast myself as me?? It is more accessible and easier, and I can get help from my family or if any friend would want to come over and help. I still have to figure this out.

I guess I could start filming some scenes that have no dialogue. I could work on the "preparing tea cup as an act of rebellion" scene aka "grand finale". I could do the flashback scene with the wrinkly hands BUT I have no old lady and I don't think I can obtain one anytime soon (they are very prone to gettin corona). So yeah this whole situation is scary and I'm very worried about this project. I'm gonna have to figure out a way to pull all this off. 

We were all joking about doing documentaries instead and basically documenting our experiences while being in quarantine. Which would be kinda funny but I don't think the Cambridge people would find pleasing. You know, just a bunch of teenagers gradually going insane.

In summary, this is what I will do for now:

• Shoot teacup rebellion scene
• Stay inside and cry
• Watch movies to get inspired 
• Worst case scenario: spend $$ on mic equipment through Amazon
• Stay inside and cry a little 
• Contact old lady and little girl during times of quarantine (risky)

In the meantime: frick u times 100, Corona :') 

The world is ending! ❤️

This week has been rough for me and I haven't written in here as much as I would've liked to. I don't know if I should go in depth because I have recently had a lot of random views on this blog and I don't wanna get too personal LOL (hi strangers! I know some of u aren't, but still.)

But basically, yesterday was my grandmother's funeral. You could say I popped my funeral cherry (should I be joking??? idk). But it was tough and I was extremely anxious the night before. I was scared it would hit me even harder. And it did. It was a weird kind of sorrow. It didn't feel dramatic. It felt more static?? I guess I could use that word. It makes sense. The atmosphere was just off. It was a beautiful service, don't get me wrong. I felt a lot of union between family and friends which was very heartwarming. But it was just. Weird. I can't think of another word.

It was so mentally draining that I felt physically sick, and it kinda changed my whole idea of loss that I had before. I thought a lot about the comedic side in the beginning, but I didn't really think about that emptiness that is felt once it hits you. The good thing is that I now have a more clear perception of the feeling I want to end my film with—"further reflecting". I don't think I will accept this loss anytime soon.

Even though Wednesday and yesterday were both relatively dark days for me, I feel okay now I guess. It's a process. To be completely honest, I was scared that I would lose all motivation to continue creating this short film because of the effects on my mental health. But I am okay. I had a nice talk with my dad amidst my crisis and he helped me a lot. I don't think anyone else could make me feel better. Mariana also gave me a lot of good advice which I deeply appreciated and am currently following. Shoutout to u luv, you're a star and I'm thankful for our friendship🥺

But yeah moving on. School is cancelled until further notice because of the virus. I am quite scared. Not of the disease itself but more because it is putting the entire world on hold. It's putting a pause to our everyday lives, intervening with our routines. It almost feels apocalyptical. It's just crazy how this is happening right now. It's one more thing to worry about. I don't wanna sound dramatic and skeptical and all but it feels like the end of the world. I feel like we're being tested.

But yeah school is cancelled which does suck because it is interrupting our education and I will most likely feel useless in the next few weeks. BUT: yay for more time to work on this wonderful project and yay for self care???? School has just felt overwhelming and toxic over the past few weeks. This quarter has done me dirty. I am not happy it's cancelled because it is a horrible situation. But I guess there is a bright side??? idk

I am glad I get to work on myself for a little and concentrate on doing what I love—I will have full focus on this film which I am happy about :)

I have a little bit of hope.

In regards to this portfolio project, (wow, about time to talk about it) I am still finalizing the script and then I'd be ready to go! I will start filming once I get equipment, which will be next week. Ana, Jonathan, Mariana, and I will be renting stuff together which I am excited about! I really want to focus a lot on good audio quality, because it is something that my project lacked last year. I haven't really thought of making a storyboard yet because I definitely want to experiment with angles and composition during the making. But I am making a shot list, which I will talk more about soon.

In the meantime, here's a song that gives me a sense of hope. I love The Strokes, but I didn't really like this song when I first heard it. But I loved it when I watched the music video. It's very different from what they usually do (it's animated!!!!!) but it is so beautiful. What I get from it, is that life isn't fair to anyone, and everyone fights a different battle. But in the end, it all works out somehow.

Here's a few of my favorite frames from it:

^this is probably my #1 favorite one

Auditions

No, I'm not planning on holding any auditions. I'm just mad at the fact that:

a) there's basically no time for me to do so
b) I can't contact Emma Mackey to play "me"

(Hi ily queen🥺)

But that's okay, this is an around $7 budget production. So, so far, my mom will be playing my mom, my dad will be playing my dad, and my brother will be playing my brother. Can they act? No. Well, I'm not sure, but we'll figure it out. I will need my inner director to do its job and do it well. I still need to cast someone to: 

a) play my younger self and
b) play "me"

I know my brother has a friend around his age who is actually an actress (how convenient right), so I might ask her! BUT...
I don't know who to cast as me. See, last year, I casted myself. I acted on my film opening. But this is completely different. My main character will be interacting with other characters. There will be actual dialogue. It won't be a monologue (basically) like it was last year. So this will definitely be tougher. So I have two options:

a) cast myself and have a fellow classmate help me out with filming some scenes
b) cast someone else and have a lot more control over the camera

I will have to think about this more thoroughly and ask around for opinions. As you can tell, I suck at making decisions (this is one thing I would very much like to change about myself lol). But yea!!!!!

ALSO! Random and exciting update!! Now that we're talking about acting and casting, I'm excited to announce that I'll be acting for Yejin and Joey's short film AND my friend Annika's film opening!!
😗✌️
I'm not a professional actress but I definitely do enjoy it a lot. I've loved acting all my life and I feel like it can be considered an important skill when writing for a film. My acting ideas come from being observant of the little idiosyncrasies. You know, the stuffs Tarantino said :)) So yea I'm excited!! Hi Tina, looks like you'll see me on your screen a few more times this year. Sorry if this sounded creepy LOL.

Also. I discovered I can use emojis on here which is kinda cool. Yay for ways of visualizing my facial expressions while writing stuffs in here!! (excuse my gen-z ness. At least I'm not consumed by TikTok (no shade))

Charts r cool 😎

I think I may have my first draft of the monologue ready:

I came up with this format which helps a lot!! Ok I probably didn't invent it. It most definitely already does exists (probably) because it is so convenient. One column describes the monologue (or narration), while the other describes the audiovisual aspects, as in the actual footage.

I will probably end up editing some parts out because it does seem a bit too extensive. If anything I'll remove the part when she starts tapping the sink, so it will be a bit more concise. I definitely want to keep the part about checking pulse and the fish dying.

Also! The narration is very brief because I aim to show more onscreen on the actual scenes. I'll definitely ask around for areas where I can improve it. I feel like it's missing something but I'm not really sure.

I have already written both the melatonin scene and the argument scene between the mother and daughter. BUT, Celtx is being annoying and asking for my credit card information for a trial ksdksjdghs

So I've written everything in a Google doc. It doesn't look pretty or professional, but it still works. Either way I definitely want to fix this so I can have a nice and cute and pretty script :))))

I will giving more details on the writing on the next few posts. Hopefully I can start shooting next week!